It's a Tuesday evening. The argument starts about something small, the bin, the calendar, a tone on a text, and within ten minutes you're somewhere you've been a hundred times before. They've gone quiet and you're getting louder. Or you're getting louder and they've gone quiet. Either way, it's familiar in the worst possible way. By 10pm one of you is in bed pretending to be asleep and the other is in the kitchen wondering how you got here. Again.

Most couples don't really fight about new things. They fight about the same thing, in the same way, on different topics. The good news is, the shape of that fight is much less mysterious than it feels.

Most couples don’t come to therapy because things are mildly uncomfortable. They come because something feels broken, urgent, or frighteningly close to the edge.

Conversations go in circles. Arguments escalate quickly or shut down completely. One partner feels unheard; the other feels constantly criticised. There may be distance, resentment, betrayal, or a deep sense of loneliness, even while still together.